Happiness and the two selves

What your in-the-moment self considers happiness is entirely different from how your reflective self defines as happiness. The latter decides whether you consciously feel satisfied with your life, but it’s the former that determines whether you are truly happy deep down.


That is the conclusion that Daniel Kahneman suggests from his research into how we can feel very differently about an event when looking back than how we actually felt while experiencing the event as it happened.


For instance, have you ever looked back fondly on some past event or past era in your life and thought that you were happy but didn’t realize it at the time? That you wish you had lived more thoroughly?


Conversely, have you ever enjoyed an experience but then looked back on it, focused on some negative aspect, and then begun thinking of that formerly “good time” as a bad time?


This is what Nobel laureate Kahneman calls the conflict between the “experiencing self” and the “remembering self.”


This certainly dovetails with the concept of mindfulness—focusing on the here and now—which is a fundamental part of the Philosophy of Tea. In other words, if our in-the-moment self is the one who truly determines our happiness, then would not focusing on the here-and-now as much as possible make us happier?


This is something worth contemplating over a cup of green tea—or would that not be in the moment?



You do not need to be in a place like this to be completely in the moment, although it definitely helps.


—Mellow Monk

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It's good to think about the future — to a reasonable degree

Some people are intensely focused on the future, while others focus on the here-and-now. In fact, time orientation is an important determinant of health and success — and a crucial factor in relationships:

"Mismatches" between people who view time differently are common in marriages, Zimbardo says. When future-oriented spouses clash with mates who live mostly for fun in the present, "you hear 'He's irresponsible' and 'She's a slave-driver,' " he says. Trouble can erupt over how to spend money, free time or vacations and how to raise kids.

But anything taken to the extreme is often unhealthy, and more and more hyper-driven types — such as superparents — are learning to focus more on enjoying togetherness now:

These parents, most of whom are in their 30s and early 40s, want quality family time now. "They're not as driven as their parents were career-wise, and there's more emphasis on family togetherness. They want their kids to have a good future, but there's less insanity about it," Chung says.

On the other hand, if you're a worrier — or even just a "ruminator" — you can console yourself knowing that overthinking may protect against dementia.



It's hard to imagine being overly stressed at a place like this. (Click to see a larger version.)


—Mellow Monk

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Taking frequent breaks improves memory. Wait. Where did I leave those keys?

Now this is something we can all relate to.

Some scientists did some research on memory and how it's affected by how busy we are. These no doubt busy scientists found that taking breaks helps you form new memories. In other words, it's easier to remember stuff if you've been taking regular breaks at work.

That means taking regular breaks all the time, not just when we think we can, like after work, but all the time.

Got it?

Or have you forgotten the topic already, you road warrior, you.

When asked how he felt about participating in the groundbreaking study, Mister Rat replied, "I smell cheese somewhere. Do you smell cheese?"

—Mellow Monk

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